Understanding that your marriage will probably be under a great deal of stress as you adjust to new children and your changing roles, it is important that you invest the time to nurture your relationship with your spouse during this challenging period. Following are a few suggestions to help strengthen your marriage.
Avoid Comparisons- Resist the temptation to compare your spouse to others. There is no shortage of stories about how great other husbands are. The ensuing comparisons will only make you feel resentful or bitter. You’d do better to focus on your husband’s strengths rather than concentrate on his weaknesses.
Touch- This is an important form of communication in a marriage. Have you ever noticed how cold a relationship appears when couples seem unable to touch and hold each other? It’s as if there is an invisible wall between them. Make it point to hold each other. Take your husband’s hand while walking at the mall; touch him on the shoulder as you walk by; greet him with a kiss and a hug –daily.
Flirt- Always looks for opportunities to flirt with your spouse. Provocative greeting cards, occasional slaps on the rear, suggestive whispers, a wink from across the room-these all add dimension to a marriage and keep the passion alive.
Play-Find an activity that you both enjoy and do it regularly. Our children need to understand that a healthy marriage is a vital element of a healthy family. Kids naturally think that the world revolves around them. Spending time alone with our spouse helps send the message to our children that they aren’t the only ones in the family. Dating makes it clear that Mom and Dad have their own special relationship and that they need time with each other occasionally to keep it healthy.
Follow the Rules of Engagement- All marriages have conflict; it’s a fact of life. But how we handle these conflicts can have a lasting impact on our marriage and on our physical well-being. Research at Ohio State University showed that when couples used sarcasm, insults, criticism, and put- downs during conflict, their bodies produced higher levels of stress hormones.
Give Each Other Space- Space can become a treasured commodity when you have children. Both husbands and wives need occasional time alone, particularly when the children are young. In a healthy marriage, giving your husband the space he needs will likely be a favor that he returns to you.
Avoid Jealousy- When we accept our redefined role in the marriage, we need to understand that the perks associated with our new job also change, and that they will not be similar to those of our spouse.
Forgive, Forgive, and Forgive- The secret to a strong marriage isn’t the perfect relationship or the perfect spouse, it’s forgiveness. We all screw up, sometimes royalty. Forgiveness means that we move forward, ignoring the inclination to revisit the past over and over again. If your marriage is suffering from some old grievance, and divorce is not an option, then you have nothing left but to forgive.
In a world in which marriage is so often an object of derision, may yours silence the critics.
